I don’t get it.
They were perfect for each other.
Whenever they looked into each other’s eyes, it was as if they were dancing on clouds.
They had such great chemistry.
Why didn’t it work? They were in love.
Maybe that was you – especially if you are a part of The Bachelor nation. In late August it was announced that Nick Viall & Vanessa Grimaldi – the Bachelor and fiancé from the latest season of the ABC reality drama – had broken up. On twitter, they wrote:
“It’s with a great amount of heartbreak for the both of us as we have decided to end our engagement. We gave this relationship our all and we are saddened that we did not get the fairytale ending we hoped for.”
What gives?
They had love.
They had fireworks – literal fireworks going off in the background during some of their ABC Produced dates.
Why wasn’t their love enough?
Answer: Perhaps it wasn’t the right kind of love.
Because the right kind of love – always lasts.
Today we are continuing our Fixer Upper sermons series. We will examine the Biblical definition of love and then take a look at what that Biblically defined love looks like in our households. Before we begin, let’s pray: O Lord, strengthen us by the truth; your Word is the truth. Open our eyes to see what you want us to see; open our ears to hear what you want us to hear; open our hearts to believe what you would have us believe. Amen.
I. The Importance of Love
Check out these three Biblical descriptions of love:
This is love…that God loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
This is love…Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. (1 John 3:16)
God demonstrates his own love in this…Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Because Biblically defined love is not the same as Disney love.
In Disney love, everything is easy. It’s “Happily ever after.”
Rainbows appear as you kiss.
Happy little blue birds chirp as you walk.
You don’t yell at each other; you only sing spontaneous songs to one another about whatever you are doing. (“I’m whistling while I work.” “I’m clapping while I pay the electric bill online.”)
But is that always how it was in the Disney universe?
Take Snow White. What happened after the credits?
What happened when Prince Charming stepped in a little present from one woodland creatures that visited the home?
What happened when Snow White saw the Prince getting a bit too chummy with a few ladies from the village?
What happened when the Seven Dwarves dropped by for an unexpected visit – and “Honey, they’re gonna stay for a couple of week? Hope that’s ok.”
What happened when the Prince brought Snow an apple tart home for your birthday – “You know how much I hate apples!!!”
Was sing-song romantic love enough?
Or would they have been on Twitter breaking up just like our Bachelor friends?
Love does not mean romantic feelings.
Love does not mean emotion emotions.
Love, real love, Biblically defined love, is much more:
This is love…that God loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
This is love…Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. (1 John 3:16)
God demonstrates his own love in this…Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Notice there isn’t any emotion in any of those.
There isn’t any reference to fireworks.
There isn’t any notes about “chemistry.”
Just action.
God sends his Son.
Jesus laid down his life.
Christ died for us.
Think about that for a moment. I guarantee he didn’t feel all that romantic on the cross!
The shouts of “Crucify Him; crucify Him” were not exactly a love song.
The gift of our dirty, disgusting, dark, secret sins, aren’t things you’ll find at the Hallmark store.
The nails being hammered through his hands aren’t anyone’s idea of a good date.
Jesus did not have a high emotional feeling on the cross.
But Jesus did love.
He loved by giving up his life to save you from all of your sins.
He loved by dying to take away your sins.
He loved by defeating death 3 days later and winning eternal life for you!
That’s love. Biblically defined love is an action.
That’s the kind of love Jesus had for us.
That’s the kind of love Jesus had for us when we didn’t deserve it.
That’s the kind of love Jesus wants us to have for our families.
II. Biblically Defined Love in the Family
What does that look like? This leads us back to 1 Corinthians 13. What follows in verses 4-8 is a description of love in action. Let’s break it down.
1. Love is Patient
Notice it does not say that love feels patient. Patience isn’t a feeling. Patience is something you practice. It’s something you do.
To be fair, you might feel calm. But are you patient?
And love is patient, even when it feels stressed or anxious or upset.
Love doesn’t shout: “Hurry up and get out here right now” as it blasts the car horn seventeen times.
Love waits. Love politely reminds: “I love you guys – which is why I am reminding you that we have an appointment in ten minutes.”
Loves is patient just as God is patient.
God who patiently waited for you to come to faith.
God who patiently waits for us to fight back against sin.
God who …by all right and measures… should have zapped us years ago – is patient.
God is patient with you; be patient with your family.
2. Love is Kind
Notice again. It does not say “Love feels kind.” That’s because people don’t feel kind.
It’s not an emotion.
It’s not a feeling.
It’s not a physical condition.
It’s a description of one’s actions. Sometimes in spite of feeling tired, upset, angry, or annoyed.
Case and point --- the other day, I noticed that one of the preschoolers was feeling pretty great. They were had a big smile on their face. They were laughing. They were having a grand old time – as they poked their friend repeatedly with a piece of Play Doh.
And the friend didn’t like it. He had a sad face. His eyes were wide. He was looking for help from a teacher.
And a teacher helped out.
And afterwards, the kid who had been poked by the Play Doh asked his friend if he wanted a hug.
That’s kind. Action in spite of feelings.
Just like Jesus who felt the nails in his hands, the thorns in his head, and the tightening of his lungs…and still stayed on that cross to save you.
God is kind to you; be kind to your family.
3. Love Speaks…Lovingly
Take a look at the next couple of words. Love ...does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.
Notice that these are all negatives. These are all things that love is not. Which might make you say is passive love. “Pastor, love is not an action. Love is when you have such a good feeling about someone that you naturally do not envy nor boast around them.”
That’s not love.
That’s hogwash.
Even though it’s negative; this is still an action. It’s the action of not opening your mouth.
Take boasting. I might have a great day. I might have a day where I share Jesus in 3 awesome Bible studies, where I get my sermon done for the week, and where I complete everything on my To Do List.
But I know that Julianna hasn’t.
I know that she had to deal with 3 inconsolable kids – and a few bodily fluids on the floor.
My sinful self says, “You should tell her about how awesome your day was.”
Love says, “You know it wasn’t a good day for her. Perhaps you keep your mouth shut. Don’t boast.”
Or reverse it. Love does not envy. I might have had a terrible day. Writers block on the sermon, meetings being cancelled last minute via text message, complaints and gossip to deal with, PLUS the coffee was a bit too light!
When Julianna starts telling me about her day and how awesome it was and how she signed up 3 more parents for the new preschool…
My sinful self says, “You should just tell her to buzz off…”
Love says, “That’s awesome. Tell me more.”
Here’s the truth for all of these. Not because of feelings, but in spite of feelings – love keeps its mouth shut! It doesn’t boast. It doesn’t envy. It doesn’t dishonor or seek its’ own good or let angry words fly off the handle!
Love is like God! God could call us all kinds of dirty, awful, no good rotten names and they’d be true! We’re sinners!
Instead, he calls us his children.
Instead, he calls us his beloved.
Instead, he calls us saved because of the work of Jesus Christ.
Because God spoke lovingly to you, speak lovingly to your family.
4. Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
There are a lot of apps on smart phones these days. But I’ve got a great idea for a cell phone app that I don’t think is in existence yet. It’s called the SIN RECORD KEEPING app. It’d be especially great for families. It’d automatically link up to a person’s day. It would listen to their words to record any sinful name calling or gossiping about someone in the family. It’d also be able to identify a snotty tone from a teenager or an annoyed voice from a spouse. It’d use the camera feature to record even the sins that occur behind someone’s back. Then, at the end of the day it would tally up the sins – and if you had less than the other person – you would be allowed as many sins as it takes to get the record to even.
You could be inventive! Call them a name or ruin their favorite blouse. Whatever – it’d be awesome to have an actual record of who sinned against whom when!
Except…that’s not what love does.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not keep a note pad.
Love doesn’t have a phone app.
Love doesn’t even keep a mental note.
Love works very hard to never hold a sin against someone else – even when it’s a sin that’s been sinned hundreds of times against someone else.
Love does just what God did. He didn’t hold a single sin against us – though there are many sins and though those sins are often repeated – God kept no record. In fact, God nailed that record to the cross, crumpled it up and threw it into the tomb – where he left it to this day!
God kept no record of your wrongs.
You keep no record of your family’s wrongs.
5. Love is Not Evil
This seems obvious. But it’s actually a really important point.
Because it’s really easy for things to feel like love when in fact they are not love.
It might feel like love to sleep with that girl long before you’re married.
If might feel like love to sleep with that guy who’s really cute.
It might feel like love to sleep with that coworker – even though you are both married to others!
But it’s not.
You know how I know?
Because God says, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Adultery is sleeping with someone you aren’t married to.
Adultery is a sin.
Sin is evil.
If your feelings lead you to do something different than God says, then it’s not love.
It’s evil.
Because love does not rejoice with evil.
Instead? It does the opposite.
It rejoices with truth.
It rejoices with what God says and what God loves.
And what God loves is getting you to heaven.
He also loves what’s best for you.
Love God.
Love truth.
Do what God loves because that’s love.
6. Love NEVER Fails
Which leads to some really awesome truths about love.
Because if love is an action…
And love is undeserved…
And love is an action that is always in action even when it’s undeserved…
…then love, Biblical love NEVER stops.
It always protects, even when the danger to itself is great.
It always trusts, even when there’s no reason left to trust.
It always hopes, even when hope seems absolutely foolish.
It always perseveres, even when all else fails. It continues because.
It NEVER fails.
Which seems like a lot to ask of a person.
It seems like a lot to ask of a sinful, broken, struggling to love the way that God wants me to love person.
That’s why I love the last passage:
God is love.
Because, if you haven’t been noticing, everything we’ve mentioned about love is exactly what God has done.
Perfectly.
In fact, I love how you can look back at verse 4-7 and insert “God” in for “love” and the paragraph reads perfectly.
God is patient. God is kind.
God does not envy.
God does not boast.
God is not proud.
God does not dishonor others.
God is not self-seeking.
God is not easily angered.
God keeps no records of wrongs.
God does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God never fails.
And connected to God – neither will your love.
Because your love, will be God. Amen.
They were perfect for each other.
Whenever they looked into each other’s eyes, it was as if they were dancing on clouds.
They had such great chemistry.
Why didn’t it work? They were in love.
Maybe that was you – especially if you are a part of The Bachelor nation. In late August it was announced that Nick Viall & Vanessa Grimaldi – the Bachelor and fiancé from the latest season of the ABC reality drama – had broken up. On twitter, they wrote:
“It’s with a great amount of heartbreak for the both of us as we have decided to end our engagement. We gave this relationship our all and we are saddened that we did not get the fairytale ending we hoped for.”
What gives?
They had love.
They had fireworks – literal fireworks going off in the background during some of their ABC Produced dates.
Why wasn’t their love enough?
Answer: Perhaps it wasn’t the right kind of love.
Because the right kind of love – always lasts.
Today we are continuing our Fixer Upper sermons series. We will examine the Biblical definition of love and then take a look at what that Biblically defined love looks like in our households. Before we begin, let’s pray: O Lord, strengthen us by the truth; your Word is the truth. Open our eyes to see what you want us to see; open our ears to hear what you want us to hear; open our hearts to believe what you would have us believe. Amen.
I. The Importance of Love
Check out these three Biblical descriptions of love:
This is love…that God loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
This is love…Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. (1 John 3:16)
God demonstrates his own love in this…Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Because Biblically defined love is not the same as Disney love.
In Disney love, everything is easy. It’s “Happily ever after.”
Rainbows appear as you kiss.
Happy little blue birds chirp as you walk.
You don’t yell at each other; you only sing spontaneous songs to one another about whatever you are doing. (“I’m whistling while I work.” “I’m clapping while I pay the electric bill online.”)
But is that always how it was in the Disney universe?
Take Snow White. What happened after the credits?
What happened when Prince Charming stepped in a little present from one woodland creatures that visited the home?
What happened when Snow White saw the Prince getting a bit too chummy with a few ladies from the village?
What happened when the Seven Dwarves dropped by for an unexpected visit – and “Honey, they’re gonna stay for a couple of week? Hope that’s ok.”
What happened when the Prince brought Snow an apple tart home for your birthday – “You know how much I hate apples!!!”
Was sing-song romantic love enough?
Or would they have been on Twitter breaking up just like our Bachelor friends?
Love does not mean romantic feelings.
Love does not mean emotion emotions.
Love, real love, Biblically defined love, is much more:
This is love…that God loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
This is love…Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. (1 John 3:16)
God demonstrates his own love in this…Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Notice there isn’t any emotion in any of those.
There isn’t any reference to fireworks.
There isn’t any notes about “chemistry.”
Just action.
God sends his Son.
Jesus laid down his life.
Christ died for us.
Think about that for a moment. I guarantee he didn’t feel all that romantic on the cross!
The shouts of “Crucify Him; crucify Him” were not exactly a love song.
The gift of our dirty, disgusting, dark, secret sins, aren’t things you’ll find at the Hallmark store.
The nails being hammered through his hands aren’t anyone’s idea of a good date.
Jesus did not have a high emotional feeling on the cross.
But Jesus did love.
He loved by giving up his life to save you from all of your sins.
He loved by dying to take away your sins.
He loved by defeating death 3 days later and winning eternal life for you!
That’s love. Biblically defined love is an action.
That’s the kind of love Jesus had for us.
That’s the kind of love Jesus had for us when we didn’t deserve it.
That’s the kind of love Jesus wants us to have for our families.
II. Biblically Defined Love in the Family
What does that look like? This leads us back to 1 Corinthians 13. What follows in verses 4-8 is a description of love in action. Let’s break it down.
1. Love is Patient
Notice it does not say that love feels patient. Patience isn’t a feeling. Patience is something you practice. It’s something you do.
To be fair, you might feel calm. But are you patient?
And love is patient, even when it feels stressed or anxious or upset.
Love doesn’t shout: “Hurry up and get out here right now” as it blasts the car horn seventeen times.
Love waits. Love politely reminds: “I love you guys – which is why I am reminding you that we have an appointment in ten minutes.”
Loves is patient just as God is patient.
God who patiently waited for you to come to faith.
God who patiently waits for us to fight back against sin.
God who …by all right and measures… should have zapped us years ago – is patient.
God is patient with you; be patient with your family.
2. Love is Kind
Notice again. It does not say “Love feels kind.” That’s because people don’t feel kind.
It’s not an emotion.
It’s not a feeling.
It’s not a physical condition.
It’s a description of one’s actions. Sometimes in spite of feeling tired, upset, angry, or annoyed.
Case and point --- the other day, I noticed that one of the preschoolers was feeling pretty great. They were had a big smile on their face. They were laughing. They were having a grand old time – as they poked their friend repeatedly with a piece of Play Doh.
And the friend didn’t like it. He had a sad face. His eyes were wide. He was looking for help from a teacher.
And a teacher helped out.
And afterwards, the kid who had been poked by the Play Doh asked his friend if he wanted a hug.
That’s kind. Action in spite of feelings.
Just like Jesus who felt the nails in his hands, the thorns in his head, and the tightening of his lungs…and still stayed on that cross to save you.
God is kind to you; be kind to your family.
3. Love Speaks…Lovingly
Take a look at the next couple of words. Love ...does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.
Notice that these are all negatives. These are all things that love is not. Which might make you say is passive love. “Pastor, love is not an action. Love is when you have such a good feeling about someone that you naturally do not envy nor boast around them.”
That’s not love.
That’s hogwash.
Even though it’s negative; this is still an action. It’s the action of not opening your mouth.
Take boasting. I might have a great day. I might have a day where I share Jesus in 3 awesome Bible studies, where I get my sermon done for the week, and where I complete everything on my To Do List.
But I know that Julianna hasn’t.
I know that she had to deal with 3 inconsolable kids – and a few bodily fluids on the floor.
My sinful self says, “You should tell her about how awesome your day was.”
Love says, “You know it wasn’t a good day for her. Perhaps you keep your mouth shut. Don’t boast.”
Or reverse it. Love does not envy. I might have had a terrible day. Writers block on the sermon, meetings being cancelled last minute via text message, complaints and gossip to deal with, PLUS the coffee was a bit too light!
When Julianna starts telling me about her day and how awesome it was and how she signed up 3 more parents for the new preschool…
My sinful self says, “You should just tell her to buzz off…”
Love says, “That’s awesome. Tell me more.”
Here’s the truth for all of these. Not because of feelings, but in spite of feelings – love keeps its mouth shut! It doesn’t boast. It doesn’t envy. It doesn’t dishonor or seek its’ own good or let angry words fly off the handle!
Love is like God! God could call us all kinds of dirty, awful, no good rotten names and they’d be true! We’re sinners!
Instead, he calls us his children.
Instead, he calls us his beloved.
Instead, he calls us saved because of the work of Jesus Christ.
Because God spoke lovingly to you, speak lovingly to your family.
4. Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
There are a lot of apps on smart phones these days. But I’ve got a great idea for a cell phone app that I don’t think is in existence yet. It’s called the SIN RECORD KEEPING app. It’d be especially great for families. It’d automatically link up to a person’s day. It would listen to their words to record any sinful name calling or gossiping about someone in the family. It’d also be able to identify a snotty tone from a teenager or an annoyed voice from a spouse. It’d use the camera feature to record even the sins that occur behind someone’s back. Then, at the end of the day it would tally up the sins – and if you had less than the other person – you would be allowed as many sins as it takes to get the record to even.
You could be inventive! Call them a name or ruin their favorite blouse. Whatever – it’d be awesome to have an actual record of who sinned against whom when!
Except…that’s not what love does.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not keep a note pad.
Love doesn’t have a phone app.
Love doesn’t even keep a mental note.
Love works very hard to never hold a sin against someone else – even when it’s a sin that’s been sinned hundreds of times against someone else.
Love does just what God did. He didn’t hold a single sin against us – though there are many sins and though those sins are often repeated – God kept no record. In fact, God nailed that record to the cross, crumpled it up and threw it into the tomb – where he left it to this day!
God kept no record of your wrongs.
You keep no record of your family’s wrongs.
5. Love is Not Evil
This seems obvious. But it’s actually a really important point.
Because it’s really easy for things to feel like love when in fact they are not love.
It might feel like love to sleep with that girl long before you’re married.
If might feel like love to sleep with that guy who’s really cute.
It might feel like love to sleep with that coworker – even though you are both married to others!
But it’s not.
You know how I know?
Because God says, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Adultery is sleeping with someone you aren’t married to.
Adultery is a sin.
Sin is evil.
If your feelings lead you to do something different than God says, then it’s not love.
It’s evil.
Because love does not rejoice with evil.
Instead? It does the opposite.
It rejoices with truth.
It rejoices with what God says and what God loves.
And what God loves is getting you to heaven.
He also loves what’s best for you.
Love God.
Love truth.
Do what God loves because that’s love.
6. Love NEVER Fails
Which leads to some really awesome truths about love.
Because if love is an action…
And love is undeserved…
And love is an action that is always in action even when it’s undeserved…
…then love, Biblical love NEVER stops.
It always protects, even when the danger to itself is great.
It always trusts, even when there’s no reason left to trust.
It always hopes, even when hope seems absolutely foolish.
It always perseveres, even when all else fails. It continues because.
It NEVER fails.
Which seems like a lot to ask of a person.
It seems like a lot to ask of a sinful, broken, struggling to love the way that God wants me to love person.
That’s why I love the last passage:
God is love.
Because, if you haven’t been noticing, everything we’ve mentioned about love is exactly what God has done.
Perfectly.
In fact, I love how you can look back at verse 4-7 and insert “God” in for “love” and the paragraph reads perfectly.
God is patient. God is kind.
God does not envy.
God does not boast.
God is not proud.
God does not dishonor others.
God is not self-seeking.
God is not easily angered.
God keeps no records of wrongs.
God does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God never fails.
And connected to God – neither will your love.
Because your love, will be God. Amen.
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