PEACE with Family and Friends

I love a peace-filled holiday evening.
 
The gentle glow of the Christmas lights on the tree.
A cup of cocoa warming your hands.
The potpourri filling the air with the soothing aroma of balsam and pine.
A pair of fuzzy Rudolph slippers cozying your feet.
The quiet melodies of Bing Crosby crooning in the background.
 
And then…
 
The voice coming from your child’s bedroom down the hall, “Mommy! Bobby’s looking at me funny.”
The shrill reply coming right back, “Nu-uh! He’s lying.”
The eye-rolling gaze from your spouse, “You’re turn to deal with it. I’m really into this episode of “The Great Christmas Bake-off.”
Your sharp response, “You never do any of the work around here.”
Your spouse’s reply, “I always do all the work!”
An interrupting DING to reveal a text from your coworker: “Hey loser! I can’t believe you said that about me at work today.”
And the Facebook reply from Uncle Marvin: “I vehemently disagree with your political stance, snowflake!”
 
All while Bing Crosby’s crooning is interrupted by Alexa: “Phone call from your monster-in-law. Shall I answer?”
 
Today we’re continuing our sermon series on PEACE and we’re going to talk about the one of the big things that can ruin a peace filled holiday evening: people.  
 
Our goal is to identify types of peace that actually lead to unrest, determine how Jesus’ peace affects our relationship with others, and get guidance from God’s Word for a peace-filled Christmas with people.   Before we begin: O Lord, strengthen us by the truth, your Word is truth. Open our eyes to see what you want us to see, our ears to hear what you want us to hear and our hearts to believe what you would have us believe. Amen.
 
I. False Peace
 
The text we’re studying for this morning comes from the book of Colossians.  Colossians is a letter written to the church in Colosse. Even though it was a church that existed 2000 some years ago, thousands of miles across the ocean from North Carolina, in a language very different from us, it shared one very important similarity:
 
People.
 
People who had arguments with their parents.
People who were estranged from their children.
People who were separated from their spouses.
People who were gossiped about at work.
People who sat on one side of the church because they didn’t want to fight with someone on the other side of the church.  
 
Since they were people, we know the Colossian church didn’t have perfect peace.
 
Yet…
 
In spite of all the sin…
In spite of all the anger…
In spite of all the reasons that people gave other people not to have peace,
 
Look at what God calls them to do: “Let Peace…rule in your hearts.” (v.15)
 
It’s written down for us too, so today the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts and says:
“Let Peace…rule in your hearts.” (v.15)
 
But there’s a lot of different types of peace in the world.
Which type rules your heart?
 
(1) Avoidance Peace
 
The person with this type of peace does what it describes…
 
Avoids.
 
They avoid talking about difficult issues with his wife.
They avoid that one person at work.
They avoid one person on Facebook
 
The theory is that if this person causes me unrest, I’ll avoid them so that things are peaceful.
 
And to be fair, that’s not a terrible idea in some situations. Especially if you’re amped up and emotionally charged,
 
But…
 
What happens when you can’t quite avoid that person?
 
For example, I saw two kids on the playground the other day. One of them thought it was hilarious to follow the other one while making goose sounds in the ear of the other child. The other child didn’t like it. But instead of telling her friend to stop, she simply ran to the other side of the playground.
 
It worked.
Until the other kid caught up. “HONK!”
 
Then, she went to the sandbox.
Again, “HONK!”
 
Finally, she went underneath the slide – the secret lair of the 4 year old playground.
And it was peaceful for a bit,
Until: “HONK!”
 
And suddenly, she stopped trying to hide and shouted, screamed, and generally had a full-fledged meltdown because of her friend.
 
The same thing happens to adults.
When the avoider can no longer avoid, the peace is disturbed.
And there’s one epic explosion.
 
Because avoidance peace, isn’t really peace at all.
It just aims to manage the tension.
 
(2) Substance-Induced Peace
 
Holiday parties mean that we may have to interact with people that are difficult. That causes anxiety. In anticipation, what can happen is that we self-medicate:
 
A shot of whiskey.
A six pack of beer.
An entire bag of Doritos.
 
Anything to distract us from our anxieties and give us peace.
 
But do substances really lead to lasting peace?  
 
A shot of whiskey can loosen up your tension, and it can loosen your tongue as argue with your friend.
A six pack of beers leads to a calmness on your body – which leads to you calmly calling your coworker names – something they’ll remember on Monday.
A bag of chips can help you feel content when you feel discontent about a conversation with your spouse, but come 7 am? Sluggish and cranky. (And sluggish and cranky aren’t good for fostering peace in a marriage.)
 
Substances don’t give lasting peace. They simply numb us to the anxiety in our bodies.
 
Now, understand what I’m saying:
 
It’s not wrong to have a beer.
And it’s not wrong to eat a cookie.
But it is wrong to try to find peace in those things rather than your God.
 
(3) “Sneaky” Peace
 
This kind of peace LOOKS peaceful.
It LOOKS like you get along with others.
it LOOKS like you’re doing fine with your family.
It LOOKS like you enjoy your friends even when they’re planning something that you don’t like at all.
 
But…
Instead of talking about it with them.
 
You talk about them with others.
 
Did you hear that coworker’s idea?  It’s awful…
Here’s a funny meme about my brother eating a snack with the words “PIG” plastered over it.
Text, text, text. Everyone thinks I’m having a good time, but really, I hope that the tinsel suffocates them.
 
Sneaky peace isn’t peace.
Because when the gossip catches up to you, how do you think that goes over?
 
(4) Exhausted from Yelling Really, Really, Loudly Peace
 
This type of peace is also known as ‘Professional Wrestling” peace.
Because to these people, the answer to disagreement is simply to fight people!
 
They scream.
They yell.
They let people have it.
They write an angry email.
They blog incessantly – typing as loudly as their fingers can type.
 
And they get all their anger out and…
…They feel better.
Because they’re exhausted.
 
But this peace is not peace.
Because while you might feel ok for a moment.
The people you yelled at? Not so much.
 
This isn’t what people called to peace do.
 
(5) Selfish Peace
 
The selfish peace can be one of the trickiest of all. It’s a type of peace that exists, as long as, people agree with you.
 
Gingerbreads are the best kind of cookie, right? I’ll fight you if you disagree.
I think we should hold the work party on Friday night…, RIGHT EVERYONE!?!!
We should spend exactly $20 on each kid for Christmas. $20 is the right amount. We can peacefully get these presents, if you buy them for only $20.
 
But it’s even worse if someone disagrees with this type of person. Because instead of entertaining the idea that maybe, they, a sinful, imperfect human being, could possibly be incorrect, they blame all the discord on the other person.
 
It’s like the Grinch! He hated Christmas. He hated toys. He hated carols. He hated the Christmas feast and the roast beast.
And he hated it because the Whos liked it.
And he was convinced the Whos down in Whoville were all jerks.
And the disagreement was all their fault.
And it had nothing to do with the fact that he went and hid up on a mountain and was generally unpleasant to people all the time.
 
And so, the night he steals Christmas, he’s at peace, because it was all their fault anyway!
Stealing the toys? They deserve it.
Breaking the ornament? This is on them.
Losing the Roast Beast? Cindy Lou Who is the One to blame!   
 
This type of thinking doesn’t lead to peace.
It just leads to people wanting nothing to do with you.
 
Here’s the truth:
Any peace other than JESUS’ peace creates DISHARMONY.
 
Picture your life like this piano.
You have a note.
You play it well – it sounds nice.
When you play well with others – there’s harmony.
When you and your family are at peace – beautiful.
When you and your friends are at peace – wonderful.
When you and your church family are at peace – phenomenal.
 
But…
 
When you avoid disagreement and prefer growing bitter– CLANG!
When you self-medicate with substances – WHAM!
When you gossip – BANG!
With you rage – DISSONANCE!
When you stay self-centered – DISHARMONY!
 
False peace drives people apart.
 
And…
If you’re in the business of driving people apart.
If you’re in the business of creating disharmony with people that God created…
You’re also creating disharmony with God.
 
II. The Peace of Jesus
 
Speaking of disharmony.
 
Mary was a young woman who was about ready to become harmoniously united to a guy named Joseph.
 
Like most, it was a day she dreamt of.
 
A beautiful wedding.
A beautiful ceremony.
A beautiful reception.
All leading up to a beautiful marriage.
 
As each day got closer to their SAVE the DATE, Mary’s anticipation for a harmonious marriage to start grew.
 
Until…
Disharmony.
 
An angel!
From God!
Standing right in front of her!
 
And his message to her:
You will give birth to a Son and call him Jesus. (v31)
 
Talk about something that could ruin a relationship.
Something that could cause disharmony and non-peace.
Mary was suddenly pregnant with a child that wasn’t from her soon-to-be husband!
 
And yet.
Do you know what she says at the end of it all?
Do you know what she says after finding out this disruptive news?
“I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.” (v.38)
 
Did you hear that?
Peace.
 
There’s Peace for her.
And, if you read the rest of the story, peace for Joseph.
 
And the reason they have peace in their relationship?
It’s because they have peace with God.
Peace that only Jesus can bring.
 
Here’s a few unique things about the peace of Jesus:
 
(1) It’s Divine
 
This is the main point of last week’s sermon. You have peace with God!
 
Remember this memory verse from Romans 5:1
Therefore, since we have been declared innocent through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Jesus’ peace.
Is God’s peace.
 
Think about it.
It’s not peace with your dog or your cat.
it’s not peace with your two-year-old.
it’s not peace with your sister, your mom, your dad.
Or some random acquaintance that you haven’t talked to for years on Facebook.
 
You have peace with the ruler of the universe!
There’s no higher level of peace in existence.
 
(2) It’s Unearned
 
Note that this is totally different from the people. Usually, you have to earn their peace. If you wrong them by “accidently” eating all of their Christmas BonBons, you might need to…
 
…apologize profusely.
…send them a humorous BonBon GIF.
…spend hours making your own version of chocolatey, peanut-buttery goodness.
 
But with God?
You have peace.
 
Because of Jesus.
Not because of you.
 
You don’t need to try harder.
You don’t need to do better.
You don’t need to give more.
You don’t need to believe better.
 
Jesus was born miraculously, lived perfectly, died innocently and rose triumphantly.
Because of him, you have peace.
 
(3) It’s Complete
 
That’s important to remember.
 
Because sometimes in our earthly relationships, there’s peace…but only in certain areas:
 
You might have peace with your Uncle, as long as you don’t talk about politics.
You might have peace with your spouse, as long as, you don’t talk about finances.
You might have peace with your children, as long as, you don’t ever tell them that they have to go to bed.
 
But with God? It’s a complete peace.
 
You have peace with God in the morning and at night.
You have peace with God on a Sunday and a Monday.
You have peace with God during church and afterwards.
You have peace with God when you’re feeling peaceful and even when you’re not.
 
God’s peace is complete.
And God’s peace is a peace that God has called us to with others.
 
III. How to Be Peaceful with People
 
How do you do it?
Look at the text again. Colossians offers some guidance.  
 
(1) Let Jesus’ Peace Rule
 
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” (v.15)
 
Focus in on the word “rule”. The Greek word actually has to do with refereeing in sports.
 
As in, the guy in the striped shirt has the final say.  
As in, the guy with the whistle determines what’s legal.
As in, some guy on a power trip gets to determine that the three point basket I shot as time expired to win the Consolation prize at a 6th grade boy’s basketball tournament, didn’t count! (I’m not bitter).
 
God says to let PEACE be the deciding factor in our hearts.
 
Let it determine our actions.
Let it determine our words.
 
But, not just any peace, this is Christ’s peace.
 
Remember – Christ’s peace is…
 
…DIVINE! Peace with your parents is a godly thing.
…UNEARNED! Be peaceful even if your someone hasn’t earned back peace.
…COMPLETE! Don’t just be peaceful while other family members are around…be peaceful all the time.
 
(2) Be Thankful!
 
Verse 15 ends with the instruction, “Be Thankful.” (v.15b)
 
Because if you are thankful, it is a lot more challenging to be cranky. In fact, it is scientifically proven that thankfulness releases a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that is release when you exercise that makes you feel good.
 
So…when you’re feeling unrest from somebody else, take a moment – and be thankful.
 
Be thankful to God! He loves you. He gave you life. You are his.
Be thankful to Jesus! He loves you. He died for you. He rose for you. You are forgiven.
Be thankful for that person you are angry with!
 
If it’s a family member or a friend, there are things that you are thankful for about them.
You might not be thinking about it at the moment.
But when you practice thankfulness for that person, unrest starts to fade away.
 
For example, I just met someone whose mother gave them up when they were an infant.
The story goes that the mother was too addicted to drugs to be a good mother, so she gave her up for adoption.
 
But do you know what this formerly abandoned infant – now full-grown adult said?
I’m thankful for her.
Thankful she gave me life.
 
Thankfulness works against unrest.
 
(3) Digest a Wealth of God’s Word
 
This is the obligatory part of the sermon where I remind you to study more of God’s Word. But that’s what God’s Word says about God’s Word. Verse 16 says this, “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another.”
 
Think about it.
The more that you know that you have peace with God, the more peaceful you’ll be with others.
 
Usually I tell you that you that spending time in God’s Word is a blessing for you.   
And it is.
Certainly.
 
But flip the script today – because your time in God’s Word is also a blessing for others.
 
You won’t be so irritable.
You won’t react to every little thing someone says.
You won’t let the unpeaceful things of others hurt you because you will find peace in your Savior!
 
In fact, if you’re wondering whether or not you need more of God’s Word, ask yourself if you’re perfectly peaceful with your family.
If the answer is no, then…you need God’s Word.
 
(4) Sing!
 
Check out verse 16: “Teach And admonish one another with Psalm, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts towards God.” (v.16)
 
Did you know that God tells us to sing? Because music is a special gift from God. A special gift that can bring peace on its own. It’s why they science tells you that beautiful melodies of classical music can put your brainwaves at ease and help you study more peacefully and efficiently.
 
Now combine the peace of music with God’s Word.
It uplifts!
 
Joy to the world the Lord has come! I have no reason to be mad at you.
Silent Night! Holy Night! It’s ok, I lost my place in line.
Oh Come, Oh come Emmanuel! Help me stay calm with my brother…Mel!
 
It’s a real thing though.
Music brings peace.
Music used to teach us the great things our God has done for us – divine peace.
 
(5) Act in Jesus’ Name
 
Check out verse 17: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus.”
 
Because that’s really the whole point.
We are acting in Jesus’ name.
 
And if you are going around being a non-peaceful jerk, who’s going to believe that you have the message of peace?
On the other hand, if you’re able to stay calm, stay peaceful, stay joyful.
 
You’ll bring peace.
They’ll want peace.
You get to show them peace.
 
That’s really the whole point.
You have an incredible opportunity this season to share the peace of Jesus.
May God give us peace to do so. Amen.